Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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