so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
