I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
