I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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