I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
