I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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