is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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