nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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