i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
