you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
