I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
