I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
