Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
