I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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