I'm drive I can fine osifer
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
