You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
