i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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