im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
