I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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