I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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