Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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