yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
