Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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