worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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