What a fucking waste of an outfit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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