apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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