This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
