I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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