I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
