i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
