I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
