Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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