dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
