Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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