So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
