pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
