i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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