Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
