Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
