I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this just has baby written all over it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
