...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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