This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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