Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
