no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
