I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
