I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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