If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
