Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
