She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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