Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
