smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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