Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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